Friendswood, TX: Why do parents seem to protect the predator instead of the child who has been abused? It seems to happen all the time. Annette Hernandez: In these cases, it is sometimes difficult for parents to believe that abuse has occured because it is too painful/scary to acknowledge. More often than not, in my experience, parents want first and foremost to protect their kids and do take the appropriate steps to do so. If a child feels that he or she is not being protected, that child should speak to another trusted adult who can support them and het them help.
Austin, TX: Why do states maintain a statute of limitation on prosecuting child abusers? Most victims cannot comprehend or deal with the abuse until they are adults and most abusers are repeat offenders.
Annette Hernandez: I do not know the answer to this question but it is an unfortunate reality. You are perfectly right, victims typically deal with the abuse later as adults, often with large consequences. Luckily, this is happening less and less as there is so much education and prevention available for children. Also, I think the field has succeeded in reducing the stigma attached to the abuse so that more people can come forward sooner.
Columbia, MO: I was sexually abused repeatedly up to the age of 5 and it took me years to connect my body to mind. The way I protected myself from the abuse was to mentally separate my body from my mind. I think this is the reason I don’t remember who the abuser was. Do you know if this common among children who are sexually abused?
Annette Hernandez: This is common and it is often referred to as “dissociation”. THis is a defense that victims use to help themselves survive the trauma of abuse. It is not uncommon to forget details of the abuse. More often than not, people do remember their abuser.
Boise, ID: Why do you think it might be harder for men to talk openly about their past sexual abuse than it is for women?
Annette Hernandez: It is harder for me because of the gender roles stereotypes that men grow up with. They are expected to be strong protectors, not victims. Also, with sex abuse, there is often a fear among men, that being abused (if the perp is a male) means that the victim may become “gay”.
Everett, MA: I am 46-year-old woman who was sexually abused by mother’s boyfriend from age 8 until 13. I have been seeing therapist and on medication for over 10 years. I have only just begun talking to my therapist about the sexual abuse and I’m finding that I seem to suffer more as I get older. I’m losing hope that I will ever be okay. My question is: Will I always suffer severe bouts of depression, anxiety, flashbacks? Are most victims always victims or do most move on?
Annette Hernandez: With the right treatment, many victims do move on. Some do suffer long-term consequences that may or may not be related to the abuse. There is something called trauma-focused treatment that has been shown effective in reducing the post-traumatic stress symptoms (flashbacks, nightmares, etc.) and depressive symptoms that victims experience. There is a team at Boston University (I believe) led by a Dr. Glenn Saxe that offers this type of treatment. Perhaps you can look him up and ask about the services they offer. You should continue therapy with your current therapist while you explore other options.
Eau Claire, WI: Are there any on-line support groups for parents of sexually abused children? My ex-husband abused our daughter when she was young - I’ve only known for three years. It’s very isolating as a parent - not exactly dinner table conversation. My daughter is grown now and, although she’s received help, continues to have all sorts of issues with shame, anger, depression, and low self esteem etc.
Annette Hernandez: Hi, I do not know of any online support groups. Sex abuse of a child can be a very isolating experience. Please look on the RAINN website or call their hotline 1800-656-4673. They can connect you with services in your area for both you and your child. Best of luck to you.
Jonesboro, GA: Can a survivor of childhood sexual abuse do anything regarding their experience, once the statute of limitations has passed for their state, and if so, what?
Annette Hernandez: The most important thing a survivor can do is pursue treatment for him/herself. When a victim has no legal recourse, this can often compound feelings of anger and helplessness that is experinced as a result of the abuse. Therapy can help victims overcome these feelings and prevent future problems from ocurring.
Great Bend, KS: What is the best way to arm kids beforehand to resist predators’ persuasive tricks?
Annette Hernandez: The best way is for parents to talk openly with their children about personal boundaries and trusting their instincts. Children need to know that it is okay for them to feel uncomfortable around certain people and/or situations. In addition, kids should know that it is okay to stay away from a person or say “no” to a certain activity if it makes them feel uncomfortable. This is beneficial beyond potential sex abuse sitautions and can benefit kids in future peer pressure situations. Parents should talk to their kids about “okay” and “not okay” touches. CHildren need to be able to pay attnetion to that inner voice that lets them know that something does not feel right. Parents should teach their children to go to a trusted adult when something does not feel right about an interaction with another person. It is most helpful to role play various situations to test your child’s ability to refuse inappropriate contact and seek help.
Nampa, ID: Since the abuser threatens the child, how can the child be sure that someone they talk to is safe and won’t call them a liar? In my case, my parents knew and did not care. What can a child do in that situation?
Annette Hernandez: In my work with children this happens all too often. Part of safety planning with a child is to help them find or identify a trusted adult. This could be a family friend, an aunt/uncle, a teacher, school counselor, or a friend. If a child approaches one person and do not get a saupportive response, we teach children to approach another person and continue to tell people until someone listens and helps. Many cases of abuse come to light after a child has reported the incident to a person outside of the home because the child is often too afraid to tell a parent. ABusers often threaten to hurt the child or the parent or convinces the child that their parent will be angry at them about the abuse or not believe the allegations.
Arlington Heights , IL: I was sexually abused as a young child. It was a traumatizing experience but I feel I’ve talked enough about it. But then there are those dark and entrusting moments as I go through in life. Is it okay to still have those moments as long as I can work through them?
Annette Hernandez: A person who is abused will have difficult moments and this is normal. A person’s ability to work through these feelings is often the best barometer of a person’s success in treatment. Triggers and reminders are unavoidable but it is the person’s response to these triggers that matter. If your “dark” moments result in interference in your everyday life or functioning (i.e. sleep problems, appetite changes, problems functioning at work, etc.) then you should consider seeking professional help or speaking to your therapist if you are already in treatment.
Riverside, California: I was molested and later abused. I didn’t know how much it was affecting until recently. But it still seems I am all alone. How can I get my family involved without making them get angry or hurt or think about the past that we would all like to forget?
Annette Hernandez: Families often want to forget about abuse and/or pretend it did not happen. If you are not already in treatment, I would suggest seeking treatment for your family. The best way to help engage your family is to provide them with as much information as possible about sexual abuse and how it damages families. RAINN is a good resource for this type of information. Go to their website and share this information with your family. If despite your best efforts, your family does not want to address the abuse, I would encourage you to seek support from others whenever possible. You may find support groups in your area or have a close friend that you can talk to about the abuse.
Tilton, NH: I am a 40-year-old woman who was molested by my older brother when I was about 8, then continued to be the brunt of his rage when I stopped it. I had never told my mother (absent father) until recently when it has come out. My mother is, as always, his enabler & protector. I’ve had some therapy in the past, but sibling incest does not seem to get validation; it’s treated like “boys will be boys” and “they’re just kids”. There’s a piece of me that still feels broken. Where can I get more info/help about this?
Annette Hernandez: I am so sorry that this happened to you and that you did not get support from those around you. Your feelings are normal and sibling incest IS sexual abuse! The RAINN website and hotline can connect you with local resources where you can get help. The number is 800-656-4673. Please call as you can and deserve to feel better.
Elk Grove, IL: Are there any national statistics or estimates on how many children or what percentage are sexually abused? Or, do you have an estimates on how frequently this happens?
Annette Hernandez: Here are some statistics on the prevalence of abuse. As you can see there is a bit of variation in the reports. Most agree that the rates of sexual abuse are likely higher as there are many children who do not report the abuse to anyone. Boys are less likely to report abuse than girls.
The National Center for Post Traumatic Stress estimates that as many as 10% of boys and 25% of girls in this country are victims of sexual abuse. The Justice Department estimates that about 44% of sexual assault victims are under age eighteen and that one in every six victims of sexual assault is under the age of twelve. Furthermore, the National Clearinghouse on Child Abuse and Neglect Information (2004) reports that 10% of all substantiated child maltreatment cases involve sex abuse, with girls being more likely to be abused. Additionally, in the mid-1990�s, it was estimated that 75% of the substantiated child sexual abuse reports made to child protective service agencies were perpetrated against girls. Of children in grades five through twelve, 29% percent of the girls never reported the abuse to anyone.
El Paso, TX: Are there high suicide rates among survivors of sexual abuse? How do survivors typically deal with their pain?
Annette Hernandez: Childhood sexual victimization has been associated with an increase in adolescent suicide attempts, significant increases in the risk for psychiatric hospitalization, experiences of serious depression, diagnosis of anxiety disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) symptoms, adolescent pregnancy, HIV infection, and HIV risk behavior. Unfortunately, some do not deal with their pain which can result in some or all of the problems. There are more treatments that are available specifically tailored to the effects of sexual abuse. These have been found to be helpful to many, but for some, seeking support from loved ones and trusted friends is also helpful.
Vancouver, BC: As someone who works with victims of childhood sexual abuse, what are the most common problems you see? What are the things that most victims of sexual abuse struggle with?
Annette Hernandez: Most commonly, children develop guilt and shame around the abuse and many experience depression and post-traumatic stress (i.e nightmares, flashbacks, avoidance of reminders of the abuse, etc.) Some children begin to experience behavioral problems at school or at home. Some children exhibit sexualized behavior like repetitive sexual talk and play, age-inappropriate sexual behavior with peers.
In some cases, children exhibit no apparent signs of abuse. Once the abuse is disclosed and stopped, some children return to normal behavior and emotions, however many children have symptoms that persist long after the abuse has ended.
Early treatment is important in preventing long-term problems in children.
Stockton, CA: How can a victim of sexual abuse forget or move on when constantly reminded of what happened?
Annette Hernandez: In treatment, we help victims respond to reminders of the abuse with coping methods (i.e. special breathing techniques, muscle relaxation, etc.) but we also have victims conduct a narrative so that they become desensitized to the distress that reminders can cause. In the narrative, the victims talk about the abuse with a therapist and process all of the thoughts and feelings in connection to the event. Through this repetition, victims gradually become less and less distressed when reminded of the abuse. Reminders will always be present but you can work on lessening your emotional response to the reminders. Victims typically want to forget about the abuse. This is not always possible but you can work on making sure that it does not interfere in your life.
Alburtis, PA: It seems that the media focuses too much on child sex abuse in “stranger cases,” as opposed to more common cases which involve family members. Do you think this is true? If so, why do you think it is?
Annette Hernandez: I have seen equal amounts of media attention given to cases where the perpetrator is a stranger or a family member. Statistics show that kids are more likely to be abused by someone they know.
Annette Hernandez: My name is Annette Hernandez and I am a psychologist that works at Mount Sinai School of Medicine. It is was my pleasure to conduct this live chat. I have worked in the field of child trauma treatment for several years. I also conduct a treatment study for sexual abuse victims ages 11-14. If you desire additional information or you are the parent of a sexually-abused child in this age group, please feel free to e-mail me at annette.hernandez@mssm.edu. Thank you.
